What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
