We won't sleep together?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
