bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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