My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
