Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
