we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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