He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
