How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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