I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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