I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
