you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
