I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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