When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
