After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
