dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
