Apparently you make a good broom.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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