omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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