Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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