I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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