You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
