They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
