I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
