Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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