The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
