Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
