btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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