The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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