I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
