She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you never un-have a 4some
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
