My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
