so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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