I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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