i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
