I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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