So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
