You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
