Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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