I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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