I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
