Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
