Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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