At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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