D3 body, D1 cock
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
