I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Randomize
