Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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