feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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