well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
