he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
