i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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