It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
