so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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