I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
