cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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