you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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