I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
