yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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