Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
