just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
