I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
