my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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