I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
