Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
