Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Its about making memories worth repressing
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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