K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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