I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
