i just wanna soil my oats bro
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
