we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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