the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
