Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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