dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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