Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
