dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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