Kiss
Puke
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
