I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
