you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
