So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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