Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
