I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
