you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
