I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
