he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
