My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
