the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
