ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
