I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
