Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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