i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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