Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
